Profits in times of recession
The global recession and liquidity crunch is making things difficult for everyone; small fish like us don’t stand a chance when giants like Coca-Cola are announcing dips in their profits. Job sites and Labour department and employment exchanges, especially in the United States of America and UK, are busy advertising the kind of skills that are still in demand and locations where people can retrain for those skills in order to get a job.
Things work a little differently here in Pakistan. The government is busy pacifying the militants, establishing governor’s rule and ensuring the availability of riot police for the impending long march. The opposition, on the other hand, has to make sure that they riot as much as they can during the long march, protest against the aforementioned governor’s rule and criticize government on every television channel that asks them to voice their opinion. The employment of common people is not something that is high on the agenda of either the government or the opposition parties.
However, after much deliberation, a new list of occupations is devised which can bring in richer dividends for the people, even in times of slump and economic decline.
Flag and Banner Industry: Whether it is election time, Muharram, Eid-e-Milad-un-Nabi, political rally, long march, short march or just the month of March, there is always a demand for a banner or two. Whether you are in business of providing cloth to the banner-and-flag maker or work as the darzi who sews the jhandas, there is steady employment in this business. Occasional employment is also available for hoisting the flags and banners across the length and breadth of the country.
Crowd provider: Just like flag and banner industry, potential for running a human resource agency for providing crowds for political meetings, marches, jalsas and dharnas is tremendous. Not only the possibilities for providing general public for rallies are enormous, one can create a niche speciality for providing people who are good at slogan chanting, rallying the mob and flag bearing. Of course the charges for specific human resource would be much higher than just general crowd provision.
Hijab Industry: Hijab industry is the fastest growing industry in the country. With imposition of Shariat in Swat and Fata and its probable spread to other areas, burqas would be mandatory for women if they are to leave their homes to go to the weddings and funerals of relatives. Quite a few people have already built empires out of manufacturing and selling Hijab-related clothing. Hijab not only has a huge market in the country, but it sells like hot cakes in other countries as well and can generate much needed foreign exchange for the country. Canada is one such country where the business of hijab is booming, thanks to the immigration of Farhat Hashmi to the greener environs of Mississauga. Toronto and Vancouver are the new hotspots for the trendiest in hijab wear. This scribe met a sister duo in Rabi Centre Karachi who were buying tonnes of black georgette. One of the sisters is running a very successful hijab boutique in Vancouver and the other sister is the manufacturer who exports the hijab wear from Karachi; both of them are doing very well while busy in God’s business. If your business if affected by anti-dumping duties or you cannot compete with the low cost of production for knitwear, you can always switch to hijab wear and make loads of money for yourself and your country.
Madrassa teacher: As more and more people are facing the axe and their purchasing power is declining, they will soon be pulling their children out of the regular schools and put them in Madrassas funded with Saudi petrodollars. The higher the enrolment in such Madrassas would be, the demand for teachers would accelerate in the same proportion.
Disclaimer: Invest your time and money in the aforementioned occupations at your own risk; we cannot guarantee that the market for them will stay stable.
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Tazeen Javed has lived most of her life in Karachi; so far no one has asked her to leave. She has worked as a journalist, teacher, salesperson, activist, tour guide, election observer, fruit vendor, copy writer and television producer in the past. She has wizened up since then and now only works for a living. She blogs at http://tazeen-tazeen.blogspot.com and can be contacted at tazeen@alumni.manchester.ac.uk
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March 21st, 2009 at 19:04
No comments wht so ever coz i think words will remain so and the system will not change untill we practically do something …
March 12th, 2009 at 19:28
hijab industry is THE MOST lucrative industry for quite some time. I know people who have made fortunes out of it, its not something new
March 12th, 2009 at 17:02
A great piece indeed.
On a serious note, every problem should be seen as an opportunity to make positive and sustainable changes. Quite a bit of serious self-reflection is the need of the hour.
There is light at the end of tunnel.. some would say it is those 500 police personnel reportedly being sent via train from karachi to islamabad but… I think another train.. a “hope train” is also approaching us. We only need to be ready to embrace it, in order to not to scare it away..
March 12th, 2009 at 15:58
Please do a favour, let this country run.
It cant afford further ‘long marches’!
March 12th, 2009 at 15:52
fantastic article – pakistanies are resilient and finds a way to keep its economy going – no matter how – like we made shelter for the earthquake victims from billboards – just imagine how this nation could transform if its energies were channeled in the right direction by a Qaumi leader like me
Maryam Siddique
Tehreek-e-Qaum
March 12th, 2009 at 15:14
What a waste of Dawn’s precious space in a childish blog like this.Please have some mature and seriour writers in this space.
March 12th, 2009 at 13:29
So true…
I have my own solution to all recessions and depressions.
We all know that currency or money is a unit. You agree upon paying some unit to get goods and services.
Well what i believe that Pakistan should abandon it currency and a new currency should be introduce,
“Slap Currency” Thapar..:)
So for example you need to buy a candy which cost like 1 Rs. in market. You need one slap. So you slap the shop owners once you get one candy.
There can be different kind of slaps. Like strong slaps equivalent to 100 Rupees.
reverse hand slaps equivalent to 500 Rupees. loose hand slaps equivalent to 1000 Rupees etc.
So the more pain you can give the more good and service you will have.
Eureka we have a currency. All goods and services on a slap. No need to carry paper in your pocket, no depression, no recession. your destiny in you hand.
Now think of future of this currency. People with extraordinary slap skills will hire other inferiors which will result in organize slap from where u can get goods and services, using your slap.
A whole economic system can be build on slap…
March 12th, 2009 at 13:00
What about poppy cultivation and counterfieting currency of neighbouring countries?
March 12th, 2009 at 12:58
Madam you have forgotten poppy cultivation and counterfieting the currency of neighbours.
March 12th, 2009 at 12:28
I’m glad to see some folks still have a sense of humor in these difficult times. Incidentally, I hear if you are good at shooting down predator drones some people will pay good money for that skill. Or if you’re good at flying them, there’s high demand for that skill too.
March 12th, 2009 at 11:44
i laugh at these sore indians who are exploiting a comical article and trying their usual ‘ISI/terrorism” standard line
stick to your own hindu news sources.
March 12th, 2009 at 11:43
oh i just forgot to list a few more new professions
-fidayeen cricket
-bombball
-nuclear gulli dunada
March 12th, 2009 at 11:41
great
now make a list of those jobs which r in danger
1-barbers should start running madarassa
2-film heroines should start teaching how to do hizabs
……
March 12th, 2009 at 11:41
Tanzeem is a good consultant…what is your fee Tanzeem? ..
March 12th, 2009 at 10:42
Ironically sarcastically true, truly saracastically ironic
March 12th, 2009 at 10:42
The best job in Pakistan today would be ofmiddlemen for anything ranging from arranging the suicide bomber to providing people to penetrate into Kashmir to create anarchay in Indian side of Kashmir
March 12th, 2009 at 10:11
Some more domain-specific activites could be added which may bring profits in times of recession:
For yester-year actors and actresses:
Founding political parties or joining existing ones, or changing them if already joined.
For politicians: Breaking bigger states into smaller states further and further. Remember every state requires whole lot of cabinets posts, staff, houses,legisltive assemblies with their previledges and allowances etc, red-light cars etc etc.
For retrenched finance executives:Selling lottery tickets.
March 12th, 2009 at 10:03
you should also include job vacancy for ‘experienced kidnappers for ransom’.
March 12th, 2009 at 9:59
you should have included jobs for experienced ‘kidnappers for ransom’
March 12th, 2009 at 9:51
I guess now a days there is a great demand for experts who can catch “Black Coat” wearing people alive or dead.
Government will provide a cool renumeration package for experts who can thwart the long march by lawyers.
March 12th, 2009 at 9:41
another consultancy agencies to help the youth flee pakistan are also thriving
March 12th, 2009 at 9:32
I dont think Pak is poor when they have US support. I really pity the paki citizens as how they are surviving in a dangerous place. The only solution i find for this is peace and not war. Who ever is reading pls make a change in your heart and try to change others. Let us all live this beautiful life.
March 12th, 2009 at 9:25
The buisness will be on Peak while the Long march crowed set to stay for a long time,the small buisness hut like Chai Farosh,cigerette Farosh,mong pali Farosh.
Beside that when police strik on then or choase happen then injurd will rush to private clinic for first Aid, so let them enjoy as well. So no recession in Pakistan.
March 12th, 2009 at 6:59
We can be sarcastic and joke about what Tazeen has written but unfortunately it is true.
Sorry to see that an Indian blogger (Amit Sharma) could not pass this opportunity to call Pakistanis terrorists. We never learn to keep our scars to ourselves and they never hesitate to raise world’s attention!
March 12th, 2009 at 6:36
My point of view is , the best and most profitable industry is to host a TV show in which we can criticise government and its institutions. It helps our nation to criticise each other rather than spending that valuable time in correcting our self. It has a very good profit ratio as compare to other TV Shows.
March 12th, 2009 at 4:35
People should not forget the following.
1) Supplying Suicide bombers for one time use.
2) Planning assasinations , technical knowhow from “You know who”
3)Supplying Matam Manane wali Auratein….
4)Kafan se lekar Kabristan ka sab saman.
Jahan mein ek hi Mulak PAAK hai.
Nichiro
March 12th, 2009 at 4:33
Excellent post!! But you missed out on two points:
1. Join the Army : Booming demand and industry
2. News Channels : I see everyday never seen before geo-political analysts popping up
March 12th, 2009 at 2:14
Under the circumstances Politically active and just-for-fun participating people have got to eat. Packed lunch and dinner preparation of assorted ingredients for each of the long marchers (Dry Fruit), leaders (Biryani & Korma), protesters (Very hot Nihari & throad suthers), police (Just very hot Nehari)and in addition a special provision of jail food packs too (Channa & gur).
March 12th, 2009 at 2:00
Terrorist Training Facilities Setup would be another very profitable business inside Pakistan (if you can manage not to have your throat slit).
Speaking of which throat slitting classes would also be in demand.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:25
lol @ hijab wear industry….oh look the neighbors are getting antsy… accusing us of consultancy when they are the gutter of all outsourcing in the world today…hello this is me from pune..pres 1 for chutney press 2 for pickel (pronounced pickel) press 3 for me to blame Pakistan..if you press 3 you will get extra pickel.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:23
Plus add taliban LeT tech support too if bomb and other weapons didn’t work at the time of their Field work!!
March 11th, 2009 at 23:35
After 2nd world war, during 50’s and early 60’s, the US population invested their time more on sex, marriages and raised family’s. It was a Baby boomer time. US economy then surged in leaps and bound.
In Pakistan, also they should adopt the same model. Marry, have babies and raise family. In marriages, not only the bride and bridegroom family members but even the gusts will spend tones of money for new clothings, makeups, rich food, wastage, etc. So with more money pumped in the economy, the recession will be controlled and inflation will kick in. That will be a good news for IMF. We can borrow money, marry again and have children. WE will have population boom. We can use them either for suicide bombing or drone bombing. Policy makers are happy. America is happy.
March 11th, 2009 at 23:22
a few other businesses that wud flourish are:
1. political commentators
2. econo-miss
3. faith healers
4. psychologists
5.
March 11th, 2009 at 23:17
mast likha hai .
maza aa gaya.
===================
Hey guys have u heard that song from Refugee (Chota Bachchan Kareena Kapoor movie ) …. Panchi Pawan Nadiyaan … Pawan ke jhonke ….
Please revisit the lyrics… mast hai.
March 11th, 2009 at 22:50
A trail of uneducated and stupid comments….
March 11th, 2009 at 22:40
Reality presented in an envelop of a great humor
March 11th, 2009 at 22:20
And opening new banks where the corrupt politicians can keep their looted money without being answerable to anyone
March 11th, 2009 at 21:42
I have a suggestion for you Tazeen. Please write a book on how hijab and Islam have oppressed you or women of Pakistan…it can be a fiction…as long as it is against Islam and Shariah, I am pretty sure it will be a best seller on New York Times. Please join the Rushdie-Hersi-Manji club. It is a way to make loads of $$ as well as “earn” popularity!
March 11th, 2009 at 20:30
What about the sprawling market for designer effigies? Some illustrious buisnesses even sell them with a free US flag to stomp on and various potitical clothing signifying our various politicians. I’m disappointed you forgot to include this industry and also, what about the “rent a militia” programme. For a paltry sum, people ranging from filthy, perverted politicians to other filthy, perverted politicians can have their own private army, with a choice of members ranging from ex-Army troops (Rps 15000) to Talibs(Rps5000). note – The Talibs are less expensive because they tend to accidentally slit your throat and dump your body in a ditch.
March 11th, 2009 at 19:12
not to mention the terrorism industry.while the pay is hefty u have your on kalashnikov
which u can use to generate extra income , besides the regular pay.and off course u can go places viz mumbai ,newyork ,london.now a days it is generating a good chunk of forgein exchange much needed by the country & that is why it enjoys full support of ISI and the government which wants it to develop at full fledged industry..
March 11th, 2009 at 18:09
Consulatncy Agency for planning any type of terrorist attack anywhere in the world
March 11th, 2009 at 12:56
while you are at it, you should have included suicide jacket manufacturer and suicide bombers in the list.