Nice post & nice blog. I love both.

This is a satire… a subtle hint at the kind of society that awaits Pakistan. This reads like a horror scene from a horror movie where a bearded doctrine-inspired ignorant sets guidelines for the manner in which we think and act and even our sexual and toilet habits. For Islam to survive we must must stop believing in Mullaism and draw direct inspiration from our holy book and balance it with the modern day democratic ideals of free speech, respect of humanity and the policy of Live and Let Live.

Every religion of this world tries to describe God. And preaches to follow a path which leads to adopt/implement those Godly characteristics into once life. Islam starts with “In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful”. Here preaching starts with describing two qualities “Beneficent” and “Merciful”. Its very strange how some people use Islam to justify their own acts of violence. Moreover, a religion is meant to impose by one onto himself, it is never meant to enforce on any second person. It is a person’s own journey towards knowing himself; it is purely individual centric, nothing to do with masses. It is very clear from history, only political classes used it with an extension of violence to achieve their selfish, mean goals.

amazing.. the funniest love it. Keep it up, humour is the food of the spirit.

Jamshaid has some basic misconceptions about Islam. Listen no Muslim oppose sharia but the question is Which brand of sharia? No religion can be spread with weapons. And here in this blog what we are discussing is the grave issue that the religion of peace is facing today. Those barbarians who flogged girls in public, behead their opponent in public and then claimed themselves as custodians of Islam; we are condemning these brutes and I think no one can justify their way of propagating Islam and enforcing Sharia. They are causing much harm to the religion than any good.
Prophet Mohammad (SAW) faced many difficulties to propagate Islam and if it was right to spread religion or enforcing sharia by power then Allah would have sent fierce Angels to aid Mohammad (SAW) in his mission.
The point is that we have to have patience to listen other’s view point and we would have to stand against the brutal murderers who are trying to invade our country in name of Islam, whereas in reality, they have some criminal and vested interests in doing that.

“Men who allow their love of power to give them a distorted view of the world are to be found in every asylum: one man will think he is Governor of the Bank of England, another will think he is the King, and yet another will think he is God. Highly similar delusions, if expressed by educated men in obscure language, lead to professorships in philosophy; and if expressed by emotional men in eloquent language, lead to dictatorships. Certified lunatics are shut up because of the proneness to violence when their pretensions are questioned; the uncertified variety are given control of powerful armies, and can inflict death and disaster upon all sane men within their reach.”

– Bertrand Russell

Okay. The thing is that there are two types of extremism in Pakistan. One type is what the taliban are doing; suicide attacks, flogging women and just creating terror among the pakistan society.

The other type is the increasing amount of obscenity, immorality due to westernization; meaning not wearing full-bodied clothes, watching immodest videos, movies, tv shows etc. and acting like that what they are doing is the new “in” thing.

Nowadays, fashion has become consisting of less and less clothes covering of the body, the increasing rate of teenagers being immodest towards the opposite gender and the media showing such indecency that I am shocked that Pakistan media would even consider putting on shows like that. And ofcourse the indian “star” channels and their music channels that are now being watched more than Pakistani Channels.

No wonder the taliban want to take matters in thier own hands. In my opinion they believe they that if the Pakistan public is not saying anything to that type of extremism keeping in view of the Islamic principles, who has the right to stop their actions?

Yes, what the taliban are doing is wrong; but what the other “extremists” are doing in a muslim country is also wrong.

Pakistan government should try to get rid of both of the extremism so that a moderate Muslim country can prevail.

It is an irony that no body dares touch the real issue. What if a woman commits adultery? Does she deserve to be flogged if she has really committed such an offence? What about our holy text prescribing this punishment for such an offence. Is it possible for anyone to deviate from what has been clearly dictated by our holy text?
For us religion is above everything else. It is a complete code of life. Nothing is beyond its domain. It prescribes solution to every problem either conceivable or not. It has been sent down on this earth for our guidance without which our emancipation is not possible. Today we are besieged by innumerable problems bcs we have carried ourselves away from its true teachings. Being viceregent of God, we are duty bound to help the true message of God prevail upon this whole humanity. This is the only way out for us and the remaining humanity to come out of this mess of woes surrounding us today. Does this common belief of ours allows for any space for any other religion or civilization to breath and prosper?
Arabs with the help of petro dollars have turned their desert into a paradise of skyscrapers. With the help of this money they take pleasure in every conceivable pleasure and delight. So far their problems are concerned, they have chosen our land as a battle ground for solving them out. For them we are not more than mercenaries. They treat us as third rate people. Over the period, they have successfully spread a great network of madrassas here. Even if they are finished with their petro dollars, our pilgrims will never let their economy collapse. Our mosques, imambargahs, and shrines have developed like church of the medieval ages and our cleric is becoming stronger and stronger day by day bcs he is funded by either Arabs or Iranians. A common man in this country is sandwiched.

Jamshed Brother you belong here with us to practice sharia. It is easy to sit in a foreign land and say only the ignorant oppose Sharia. If your wife,sister,mother,aunt etc were subjected to what the proponents of Sharia are doing here you will change your list of categories so fast it will make your head spin.

As for the authenticity, Ali Khan, guess you do not know, that on day one a spokesman for our beloved Taliban accepted the occurrence of the deed by saying that it happened before the agreement. Later denials came when they found out that there was unanimous expression of disgust.

We want more of you Nadeem to save Pakistan from annihilation.

HAVE YOU DONE YOUR CHECKUP LATELY?

A quick health check for all those writing in this Forum to determine where they stand:

Those who oppose Sharia fall into the following categories:

1) Non-muslims and foreigners.
2) Secular muslims (those by name only).
3)Ignorant muslims who have only superficial knowledge of their religion.
4) Weak-hearted who are mislead by the media.
5) Those who are afraid of the unknowns in their life.
6) Those who have lost track of their life timeline and forgotten that they will die one day and will be reserructed one day and will be asked if they helped implement the final devine religion in their lives? Left it only in mosques or accepted it as a complete way of life?
7) Those who are afraid of the foreign powers instead of the Almighty God.

NFP, you are doing great service by sarcastically exposing real faces of cospiracy theorists, yellow journalists and Taliban and their supporters !
Keep it up NFP !

Ali Khan Saudi,

You will blindly condemn the west and the liberals, but become analytical and deeplly thoughtful when it comes to fascists like the taliban.

NFP, you must not stop! We need more of this.

The authenticity of the flogging video has already been challenged,don’t count on it anymore.You don’t just get right up after 80 lashes!

Also,”Lord of Flog” was like a teenager’s attempt at humor.I expected something better when i clicked on the link.

The Taleban are really a threat to our country,but we should try and address the root causes of the movement’s ascend,and then root them out.The “American” approach will not help at all

great way of telling the truth….carry on

Well said Kashif. I think the anti-Taliban mafia is no less fascist than the Taliban itself.

This “breath of fresh air” by Mr Paracha is just another case of the pot versus the kettle, I’m afraid.

Well written article. Here i would like to say that we can not blame all of this to the Taliban. Over own government is also not sincere.

In the turbid dark catastrophe that so eminently engulfs and threatens the very existence of Pakistan and where the entire citizenry is helpless hostage to the onslaught of the marauding brute force with zero tolerance for slightest human accommodation, Paracha’s satire is a short but welcome interlude for the Pakistanis who have to suffer every day, night and moment.
Thank you.
On a positive note, I continue to vest in the hope as well as miracle that would somehow, some way save Pakistan from annihilation. From many letters here and few other sources, it is becoming more apparent by the day that majority of the common, ordinary people are just sick and tired of the Taliban, and a grass root level movement to unite, get together and rise against is in the making. People are jointly aspiring, thinking, and motionlessly moving in their minds towards a bolder unified step to stand up for their very survival against those who are at gross odds with the life of the individual and the civilized society.
I firmly believe the moment is ripe and something is about to happen to avert all that is so repugnant to human soul and conscience.
Forever live Pakistan, its people and their dreams, Aameen.

Well everyone has his own perspective, how he accepts the things. You could have done something informative and creative.
Like, From where these people are getting huge arms and ammunation. I believe 8 – 10 peolpe sitting on 4×4 with arms should cost about 10 million (can a simple talib of madrassa have this amout). Think about all FATA and NWFP. Who are supporting them??. Who are holding strings of these puppets to destablize pakistan and at same time trying to present false picture of Islam to rest of world.
I will appreciate if you dig and bring the real stories about the masters of these puppets.

Well this was a good read, sounded almost real. Keep it coming a brave initiative…..

good stuff. keep it coming

Continuing with my aimless comments…

We were all Neros, too busy dancing while Rome was burning.

Unfortunately being a Mullah is the only thing where a person qualifies to give Fatwa just based on the size of beard that he has. If a child cannot become a doctor or engineer or a soldier due to his inability then parents throw him into becoming a Mullah.

Pathetic state of affairs. But as they say one person can make a difference. If all of us individually decide that we can make things better. Then it is very easy to do so. Lets not jump red lights, lets no throw bottles of soda on roads, lets not throw our trash into neighbors yard, and lets not try and force our point of view to everybody else, then things would be nice. Inshallah

The article is quite nicely written. And it is true that a typical Mullah’s thought process is like that.

But arent we all to be blamed for it, when such mentalities were being created, in hatered for other religions and beliefs ( non-muslim and within muslim sects e.g. Ahmedia’s and Shia’s) most of pakistanis were in support of these mullahs.

Now the the monster has turned into a Frankenstein, and cannot be controlled.

Can any body explain me why these taliban wants women to stay athome and wear burka etc. what is fear behind it.

This is too good! Made my day…

Thank you for the humour. Satire has always been an effective way of criticism. Just the fact that some people are getting riled up means you are spot on with you thoughts.

Also, any Pakistani who does not think satire is acceptable criticism is insulting one of Pakistan’s greatest literary figures – Manto! Please read Toba Tek Singh…

Bravo NFP!!! We need more people with guts like you to state the facts.
The weak, corrupt and ineffectual institutions of the country have led to this debacle.
While the western world progresses, the fanatic radical islamists regres back to the seventh century.
As an expat it pains me to watch the country of my birth suffering. Extremists need to be eradicated world wide.

I am an Indian, aghast at what is going on in Pakistan.The situation is really grave.

I recollect as a teenager in the 70’s seeing pictures of Kabul where women were free to dress as they wanted to, where they could work, where there was nightlife. Then it all changed.

Would Pakistani women like to face the Taliban imposed Sharia laws? Wear burkhas, not send their daughters to school, stop watching TV and movies, no dancing, no appearing in public places?

I think the Pakistani middle class must take out candlelight vigils ,peaceful
morchas,participate in a mass civil movement — as India did after 26/11. The Taliban should see on media that
the Pakistani public is not with them.

Public opinion will play a big role in changing the situation and reducing
fear of oppossing the Taliban.

Some people have an natural sense of humor. Others can have a latent talent that is nurtured by discipline and training. The article above, trying to be humorous only ends up sounding like an adolescents attempt at humor.

Many people have been killed in the Tribal areas. By the Taliban. I find it hard to make light of them and find “Lord of Flog” childish.

Hi,
I am myself from Karachi, after reading this so called interview my first observation was, the journalistic intellect which should have manifested somewhere, was completely absent. Since I am from Karachi, would like to ask the journalist that what has been done in Karachi? we have only seen blood of our kids. Can this journalist please tell how he thinks that the so called Talibans in swat are different from the elite in Karachi especially in parts of FBArea? Can he answer my question how a shopkeeper is treated in Karachi if he refuses to give the so called Bhatta to the thugs of a party? Isn’t it wise that before critsizing administration of swat we should put our own house in order? I am waiting for the number of lashes for my questions.

Ahem, Well, you see, It’s so close to reality.

Ghazala Khan

talib taliban wrote:
“shame on you , write something meaningful for once, you should be flogged if anyone”

Hahahahaha. You just proved how right NFP is when he goes after the Lords of Flog.

It seems in Pakistan, apart NFP, Dawn, Ayaz Amir and the MQM, nobody is daring to mock and challenge them!

We are cozy and powerful, aren’t we? In command of this electronic wizardry, grandly displaying our precious last words on every subject. Only to remember that for all of us — landlord, peasant, lawyer, student, soldier, mullah, jihadi, infidel ferengi — it’s just a small step back to a stone age of undifferentiated brutes, and only a step and a half to complete oblivion. Some of the world’s best minds consider that civilization has only a 50/50 chance of surviving the present century. Never mind some so-called “war of civilizations” — it’s a question of the survival of any civilization at all.

I would do anything, anything at all to see the acidic tounged and sarcastic NFP sitting across the TV jihadies like hamid mir, haroon rashid and shahid masood.
I bet he will turn them into the apologetic mush that they really are!

Viva NFP! Keep ‘em coming.

We keep faulting the Taliban for their absolute belief in self-righteousness. Mr Paracha’s delusions don’t make him much different.

Well there is so much of noise in the media about taliban taking over pakistan. I agree. Okay. Hold on. I really agree with you. But what about US DOLLAR NATION which had already occupied not only your land but you soul heart,mind, intellect ruling in every pakistani subject.what has happened to you so called liberals. why quran, sunnah and shariah is becoming problem in your ways. why dont you ask taliban, hey look if you want imposition of shariah, we too are bring shariah to be imposed. i think pakistan is not believing in shariah and are more inclined to west and its ideology. Although as a kashmiri i have a pain jealously with indian and its policies, but i am proud to be on this side of world. where we dont challenge shariah but fight for its very survival.i can see through the worst ahead of you. LET WESTERN GOD SAVE paper made islamic PAKISTAN

shame on you , write something meaningful for once, you should be flogged if anyone

Nicely done…..! (chewing on grass)

The time to write funny articles is long gone. People of Pakistan be prepared for a lifetime of tears. The fall of Buner is different from the fall of Dacca. At least that time the army put up some token resistence before laying down the arms. This time round our brave army were nowhere to be seen. Politicians and such have no worries. When things get too hot they can just pack up and leave for their mansions abroad. What happens to the hapless people of Pakistan when the light of new Islam arrives in Punjab and Islamabad?

His articles are just another piece of mess. Writes on something he hasn’t experienced first hand. Just like an American writing on Cricket!

But goats are animals!
So are women.

Then what is your djinn doing on TV?
Educating goats.

reminds me of G Orwell …NFP could you extend it to kindaa …. Animal Farm(Talib’s flavor). These guys are far more vile then our comrades.
this article was immense….

Good / Brave humor. Please keep your passport ready just in case they come after you – I hope it does not happen.

Lost on most people I am sure, but keep it coming.

Bu this is entertaining…!!
Absolutely…!!
ENTERTAINMENT IS UNISLAMIC… PROHIBITED!!! 500,000,000 LASHES…!!

o Yar maza aa gaya…..

It is totally pathetic. I don’t know why have you latched onto talibans or that incident of flogging, we have some other major problems too. I wanna ask one question to NFP, could you tell me how can we implement the sharia in our society?

It is hilarious and scary at the same time. Its time Pakistan wakes up to another revolution. We had a revolution to oust the Brits now its time for Pakistan to oust Taliban.

With people like Bob and Salman its unlikely to happen soon.

I must say its a good effort to depict the mentality of the Talibs.
However this is also important that this all is due to ignorance.

May ALLAH give us the understanding to distinguish b/w truth and falsehood.
from where i see, there is the extremism in all of us.

One despairs of the future of Pakistan after listening to the plethora of mindless talk shows and cringes at the audacity of the the hosts of such shows, giving equal time to the brutes who are hell bent on destroying the country so that their primitive world view could prevail. The spineless government and army which lie prostrate now need a kick in the back side by the Americans. One hopes that the new US administration is loathe to squander American tax payer’s money without getting anything in return, The slogan should be ‘Control the Taliban and save the country from itself or not one red cent of money’ and see how quickly the vacillating government and army gets a backbone.

This individual hardly understands Islam. He needs to sober up and become a sane human being with dignity
before he interviews individuals about Islam.

At times NFP becomes rather boring and repetitive.

awesome. excellent. goodluck

Excellent Satire, but sooo sad.

Kudos to the writer who gets limitless mileage from the same joke and commands utter devotion over 15 year olds.

Brilliant!! Very funny and sadly all too true. Please publish it in the Pakistani Times.

Wickedly Sarcastic!!!

This is enjoyable as is all of NFP’s satirical commentary. But I think now there is a need for people to stop with the apologetics and trying to find a balance between the ‘interviewer’s Islam’ and the ‘Taliban’s Islam’. I know NFP can hardly be accused there, but what needs to be highlighted and attacked is the flawed nature of outdated belief systems in general, which thrive solely on the idea that fact can never be established and the person in charge is nowhere to be found. Compromising to the ‘moderate’ is what allows an ‘extreme’ to even come into the picture.

i think it truly depicts the true mentality of talibs. thats exactly what they are ignorant, people who have no regard for human life and above all they are not doing any good to their own religion which they hold so dear and in the name of the same religion they make “so called sacrifices”. i wonder if any one in his sane mind would consider becoming a musilm, if talibans are a model and true believers.

hats off to paracha for writing good piece,otherwise media talibans in shape of ansar abbasi,hamid mir,masoods,harun rashids has made life terrible with their rubbish stuff.keep it up paracha.

haha! that’s funny. Nice portrait of ignorant goats. How come we always call the poor taliban extremists? Aren’t we too extremists? liberal extremists? Because extremism just doesn’t mean taliban. it means sticking to a particular view point not matter what.

This is gallows humor. Wake up Pakistan and fight the barbarians at the gate otherwise be prepared to live in the 7th century and be mindful of ‘Tumari Dastaan tuk bhi na hau gi dastanoon mai’.

I want to know the name of the person who released the fanatical mullah of the red mosque? That man’s responsible for the deaths of many servicemen. How could he be released on bail? He should have been tried for treason and summarily shot.

When is Pakistan going to get serious about this? Why don’t you send in your troops instead of the paramilitary soldiers that you keep deploying.

You need to gear up to war footing. Ask the Americans for help. Trust me this war is for your survival. Your lives, future freedom and a spot in the community of nations depends upon it.

I still prefer ‘Blow Daddy up’.

But this was HILARIOUS still!

‘For Heaven’s sake!’
‘Exactly!’

Funny but True.
They only problem is they are coming……

Absolutely wonderful piece! Keep it up.

NFP is a breath of fresh air in the media industry infiltrated by people like Hamid Mir, Mushtaq Minhas and Shahid Masood breed. We need people like NFP in media to bring sanity back to the country and get us out of this regressive mode.

Good satire but it is time for the Pakistanis to wake up and get real. It is better to get rid of the snake now then till whole country will be poisoned. Prophet Mohammad never beat up a women or flogged the children. These Talibans are murderous, ignorant and there shouldnt be any deal with them. people of Pakistan should practically resist and rush to Swat for a decisive win and save Pakistan.

Bhai Bob:
Yo say one should be honorable while crtiquing a group?
Bhai Jaan, how “honorable” are the Taliban when they flogg, burn, kill and destriy??

This is a piece of satire, brother. Take it as such.

Bob said:
“If you

Hi Nadeem,
You are talking to wall. Some reader doesn’t understand your point of view.
Leader can be replaced but nation not, if you love u r country then ppl of pakistan should choose the leader who have courage to head on with these madrassa litrate mullah.
ppl of pakistan need to understand that mullahs are preacher only &they should confine to mosque. they should not interfare in policy or should not have any role.
All kid should study in regular school.
Any religion study shold not be part of caricullam, State & religion should seperate. It is the only way pakistan can servive. AND ONLY PPL OF PAKISTAN CAN DO IT.
Wish good luck to PPL of Pakistan.
Singh

Dear NFP,
I was thrilled to read your blog, satire throughout history has been the true form of critiquing current affairs.
My gripe is why isn’t the country and it’s intelligencia up in arms about the hijacking of our moderate religion by the Talibans. We can go on a long march to restore the Judiciary (for political gains), but not for REINSTATEMENT OF BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.
Where are the Mian sahibs and the Chaudhry’s at this time.

@ javed jinnah
Well said Javed. Journalists and writers like Nadeem F. Paracha and Irfan Hussain, both of DAWN Newspaper, have been at it for many years now. Especially Nadeem has been extremely bold using both his serious and satire articles to make that main point: The time has treully come for Pakistnis to rise and face up to these thugs!

Hahahahah. NFP, this was even better than “Blow Daddy”, the satire u did for Dawn Inages. Thank you so much for making us smile over and over again, even if its about a deadly phenomenon that you are always writing about.
This was madly hilarious.
Always your fan,
Sarah A.
Karachi

If you’re going to oppose an group…atleast do it in an honorable manner.

Bravo for having the courage to put this out. Funny stuff. Pakistan is going to extremely difficult times thanks to inept politicians, defence forces who don’t seem to be protecting adequately and the rule of feudals who have kept education, opportunity and jobs away from the masses for too long. Some type of insurgency was bound to happen too bad it is under the guise of ultra-fascist Islam.

The Taliban need to be eliminated- the sooner people realize it the better. Their version of Islam needs to be clearly rejected by any and all institutions whether it be religious, judicial, military, legislative and executive in a clear and consistent manner.

And we must conduct our resistance against these fascists and not be afraid to use the strongest methods to eliminate them. They would use it against a non-Taleban muslim or non-muslim in a heartbeat.

LOL ! Excellent piece loved it !!! on a serious note NO TO TALIBS..!

Dear Nadeem, this was quite waste of bytes. I read and listen to your articles and programs,, some things written by you i really liked in the past. Actually I love listening to your comments about the corrupt elements of our society. But i would sincerely advice you to please get rid of this, I-know-it-all and Rest-are-all-fools, attitude. No offense intended. peace

It totally waste of time. Please avoid these type of jokes.

They are as senseless as they are brutal. Great point, well made!

Simply great!! Particularly replacing the girls by goats.

Mr.Paracha your article is great atleast you have the courage to show the real face of these so called Muslims and Mullahs who even don’t know what Islam is? But the efforts made by our govrmment to adress the growing instbility and fear because of these so called Muslims are insufficient. The “Green Turban” Jamaties in Lahore and all over pakistan are triyng to threat the people and create a state witin state. I don’t know what kind of Islam they are trying to impose on us. Religion is one’s personal matter you canno’t impose it on anyone. As a Pakistani and Muslim i condemn these activities which destroy the image of Islam.

Not funny !! This will be reality pretty soon if pakistanis don’t wake up.

Many a cold-blooded murderer on death row in the States sports a Christian-cross tattoo. A thug is a thug. Every child is born an ignorant savage, whether in the USA or in Pakistan; the task of improving on that condition — both for individual and greater good — is one at which both societies fail, in varying degrees, all too much.

Blasted, NFP, from where do you manage to pull out crackling stuff that is not only extremely funny, but so close to the truth??
Brilliant satire once again, sir.
Now let’s just wait for the warped arm-chair versions of city Talebans to strike here.

Reality is that people, the real people, of Pakistan are suffering. No justice, no food, no job, no electricity, no life security, corrupt police, corrupt Judiciary, corrupt ruling elite and name it.

In fact diamond cuts diamond. Remember this rule. We need ruthless, transparent, committed, and honest leadership working for the benefits of people of Pakistan not for masters. Pakistan needs a sacrifice from leadership, the one that is ready to defend our own values, work for education, health and encourage the Pakistanis take part to develop their own motherland whether living in Pakistan or abroad.

It’s time to think for Pakistan and die for Pakistan.

whats funny in it? bekar post hai. utter waste of time.

Fantastic!! Anything else around by this guy?

LOL!! This is hilarious!! But when one realizes that it can be so true as well, one shudders.
Keep those punches coming, Paracha. I see you havn’t decided to go down without a fight. All power to you, bro.

Great to hear that common people in pakistan can speak their heart out.
I just hope the Govt & the jihadis (Taliban) listen to the common people & not just the USA & the militant jihadis.

A brief research on his history says NFP specializes in amplifying the problem instead of simplifying one and offering realistic solutions. Just like it’s not US, India, Israel’s fault Pakistan faces a grave external threats, it’s not TTP’s fault for the problems within. If our rulers, politicians, judiciary, bureaucrats, civil society, et al along with columnists had had their priorities straight, we wouldn’t be where we are today. But then again… how would NFP’s of this jungle eke out their keep if that was the case?

love it! keep it up

Painfully funny…

Zabardast!! NFP strikes again. His satire is dark and absured, just like the situation this unfortunate country is.
NFP more stuff this.

Great piece nadeem bhai..

alas!! we created religion for peace and social bonding ..

but couldn’t teach a lesson of love to the monster sitting inside us and look what we have done to our faith…

I hope the Lord stay’s away from Karachi

This man has enormous courage, conviction and humour to write this piece, in a country where the majority seems to be afraid of even protesting. Of course must admit that I am unaware of ground realities but all the same it is a brilliant piece

A nice sarcastic way to make people realise what there future will be. It is now or never. Open up your eyes and save your honour.