Photo courtesy: Creative Commons
Everyone has their own theory on how to improve Pakistan. The typical answers are a concoction of removing the allegedly corrupt politicians, enforcing one’s preferred Islamic ideology on the masses at large and a dash of lip service to this magical reservoir of talent that the youth apparently stores deep in the depths of their Facebook accounts.
I, on the other hand, (as I usually do) tend to disagree. If we rid ourselves of the politicians, what verifiable evidence do we have that the next lot would be any better? Though I can see why wishful thinking is an excellent strategy for stump speeches and drawing room warfare, but the fact of the matter is we will never agree on Islamic ideology, far too many individuals are convinced that they hold the elixir of truth (the Afghan Taliban came from somewhere) and let’s face it, we can barely elect leaders whom we can stand for more than two years at a time before asking the army to step in. Deciding on a unified religious ideology has as much chances for success as the International Beer Drinking Olympics being held in Pakistan.
I feel that the only people that can save Pakistan are the entrepreneurs. Not just the good, halal, we-are-ashamed-of-our-good-fortune-sort, but the greediest breed of capitalist vermin that evolution and a steady diet of Maggi noodles has to offer. As a wise Singaporean leader Lee Kuan Yew once remarked “it is difficult to convince a well-fed man to become an extremist”.
Here are some ideas I concocted as I surveyed our magical ‘We-believe-in-unlikely-miracles-nation’:
Honour Warriors: All men like playing hero whether it is rescuing a damsel in distress or well…rescuing an even prettier damsel in distress. The problem is that the opportune moment rarely arises, either because Pakistan is not as lawless as your average ‘gora’ is led to believe, or maybe it is because the cut-throat scum-of-the-halal-earth thieves are just more polite around good-looking women. This however, presents a significant problem: how can a guy save a girl from the dangers of the world and validate himself without the opportunity to do so?
Hence, the Honour Warriors, who swoop down on really…really really good looking girls, steal their cell phones or harass them, while a brave knight (who will be paid rather generously for this service) will suddenly appear (capes will be provided for an extra fee), and fight off the packs of blood-thirsty pillaging ruffians with his fists of fury and a good ol’ desi ‘CHAMAAAAT’. The damsel, so grateful to her saviour (after all, a girl cannot live without her cell phone), will fall madly in love with him and break into spontaneous dance to the tune of ‘Desi Girl’. The couple will then live happily ever after, and recount this Bollywood style story to their packs of grandchildren. The Honour Warriors will silently collect their fee and vanish into the night, their job done, their clients happy.
Solo Store: Ever notice how the beggars at traffic lights always sell the most useless gear, one wonders how many table cloths, Christmas Hats, combs and balloon-shaped-animals the average Pakistani really needs. One needs to sort them out and fill their hands with things like chewing gum, chips, candy, drinks, mobile phone credit and cigarettes; things that people actually want and are willing to buy. They would make a lot more money and I would not be stuck with owning so many combs and Christmas hats. Financing this would not be all that expensive. Besides, wouldn’t a company rather put someone to work and generate some extra revenue as opposed to giving hand out after hand out?
‘Charitable’ donations are tax exempt … yay Capitalism!
GotPrayer.com: Ever wish that someone was praying for you? Whether it is for an exam or a loved one (or even in the hopes that the object of your desire returns your affections), everyone wants something, and what is the harm in paying a few lads to read several hundred Qurans or recite multiple complex duas on one’s behalf. Think of it as a good
way for madrassas to be more of a profitable venture. Capitalism and religion – who can say no to that? Call now: 1-800-Prayer for your spiritual, emotional and academic needs.
Professional Beard Growers: There are people who spend a lot of time trying to prove how religious they are by the length of their beard. Unfortunately, all are not born equal, therefore the Professional Beard Growers League to the rescue, where groups of men will commit to providing their natural talent of sprouting copious amounts of face fuzz and sell it for a clean halal profit. Prices will depend on thickness, color and piety.
Chastity Belts: Which parent would not want to get a chastity belt for their daughter, or son for that matter? Have you seen children these days? It will come with a GPS tracking service and luxury models will be available in Gold, with a cushioned finish, for comfort.
Entrepreneurs create businesses to service needs that are not currently met by the local market. These in turn create meaningful employment and hence, taxable revenue. In a country that has so much but gives so little, maybe it is time to give the business class the opportunity to develop Pakistan. It may be the only practical way for our country to stand on our own two feet, as opposed to crawling through the minefield we are currently nestled in.
Murtaza Ali Jafri is a Karachi-based banking professional and blogger. He believes in free markets and freedom, and wishes men could get more of the latter.
The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.
Pakistan’s long term improvement and progress depends on education. We must refocus on our education. We should have a balanced approach in providing education both to our children and adults. The technology is changing at a much faster rate now than ever before. We need doctors; scientists, engineers etc. but we also need carpenters, masons, plumbers, electricians, surveyors, nurses etc. Many developing countries make mistakes of having unbalanced education system. You can imagine if we only produces doctors and engineers in mass what will happen. We need education at all levels which will require us to set up trade schools in various categories of trades and workmanships as well as higher education. I hope and pray that our Ministry of Education and our private sector will develop a comprehensive education vitalization plan for our nation and implement it. Sooner the better.
Brilliant thought said out loud
And al together we can make Pakistan stand out of the crowd as long as there are people like us.
Ameen to all.
Claudia
Politicians are import for running a country. Problem with Pakistan is involvement of landlords (wadaeras) in politics. They only worry about their chair and power. this is the main problem across Muslim countries in general. Big billboards of prince and their families displayed everywhere. Even army people stick to the chair! We need politicians but with a vision, respect and most of all brains. I hope & pray that will happen soon. The current situation is reflection of policies of our leaders.
Only long term solution for Pakistan exists in the “Emergence of a Smart Society” and that will happen with Compulsory education of the new generations, from first grade up. If we can get every single child enrolled in school for at least ten years and provide him/her the most modren education, emphasing science and technology and the best human values, in just ten years the society will change. But how to get every child enrolled in schoold ? hardest part is geting the parents involved in this, but with money it can be made possible. If every child is provided a two decent meals in school, books and other school supplies and unforms free of charge and parents of a student get at least one thousand rupees a month as incentive for sending their child to school, every child will rush to the schools and within no time all the madrassas will be empty and after proper education a new nation will emerge.
I agree with you, Mr. Zafar Malik, that Pakistan’s future depends on education. All developed countries consistently keep emphasis on education and innovation of its younger generation. The recent and past developments in computers, Microsoft, face book, Google etc were all done by very young inventors. We, as a nation, must focus on education and allocate more funds in our education budget. The Ministry of Education should get as much importance as our Ministry of Defense. The current big disparity in the Defense budget and Education budget should be eliminated. Our future depends in our education today. We need major investment in education. Our schools are out dated, our teachers lack training, we need better paid teachers, our school labs are either out dated or non-existant. We do have an education crisis at hand which is evident in our current social disorder and wide spread terrorism.
Sounds workable
bookish….. but someone has to take initiative
You know, i really wish you had more than just impressive satire to flaunt.
Pointless satire!
Excellent article dear boy. Loved every sentence. Although you started off on a light and humorous note, some of your suggestions are quite doable not to be laughed at all. Especially the beggars one. if they can sell the right stuff come valentine, they can sell the right stuff all year round.
Yeah entrepreneurs can make changes, there are lot of space in Pakistan to present your skills.
But no one has courage.
Interesting read, what if you can just do without the clergy; get rid of the pain altogether.
As long as you continue to mix politics and faith with literacy rate of Pakistan you’ll get nothing but chaos.
I like to idea of solo store which are need based…… instead of typical outdated cloth, Hats, combs and balloon-shaped-animals. well i would add ballpens to this list.
I dont know why these people are complaining for? I see not much wrong with this article. It is pretty well written.
Lol, Good One
Glad I read this article. And Its true capitalism can change alot
Had Singapore been in view of the phiolosopher Adam Smith, he might not had ventured into publishing “The Wealth of Nations” in 1776. In the mayhem of might is right a.k.a. the “Mercantilism”, he was attempting to put a leash with ideas such as “invisible hand” or the “division of labor.” Singapore, being resourceless and with no ideological or religious issues to wrestle with, only has to stay ahead of the game. Is it possible when countries such as United States, China, South Korea and India exist?
Yes, Singapore made it possible. Singapore managed to have almost the same per capita income level as the United States have. How in the world a resourceless country could match its wit with the United States of America? The governing class of this tiny nation has the answer. They make sure that the private sector produce superior high-end manufacturing products compare to the rest. How about the public sector? Are you ready? Singapore was rated second internationally in math performance by 15 year olds. You get the picture.
In order for Pakistan to have improvement and progress we need to establish and maintain few very basic conditions needed for any progress to occur.
1.LAW AND ORDER: Law and Order is needed for operation of markets, businesses, production activities, educations institution and overall functioning of Pakistani society.
2.PEACE: Cessation and end of terrorism is needed to establish peace, harmony and security in the country in order for the productive activities can flourish.
3.EDUCATION: Productive abilities of any country directly relate to the education, skills, training and work ethics of its people. We need lot of work in this area. We need to reform our public education system to be compatible with the 21st century needs.
4. POVERTY: We have poverty in the country. We the people and our Government should continue to strive to alleviate the poverty and ease the pain of our poor
5.WORK ETHICKS: We all need and be willing to do hard work and be more productive. There are many stories about hard work of Germans and Japanese after the Second World War in rebuilding their countries. In fact the citizens of any developed country in the World are hard working people otherwise they will not be there where they are or will not stay there for long.
I hope we all embark on our task of the national building.
Loved it!! Good bit of satire and wit, yet the point made its way home and sunk in.
Excellent article. We need entrepreneurs of every shape and form.
Javed Qamer
Virginia
If only our country’s bankers could think the way you do. Gotprayer.com is the need of today. Definitely. And Chastity belts. Most definitely.
Awesome!
We could also make the walking police. These guys would stand at every walking bridge in Pakistan, and force people to walk over the bridge instead of running onto the street in front of speeding cars. Everyone found guilty of having crossed the road whilst not having used the bridge will be given a heavy fine.
I think the blogger does not have his tongue in cheek and if this was actually a satirical column I would have understood his motives better. His comments are truly controversial and using cheap wording to express an opinion is completely unwarranted. Having read this article, I felt that it was a complete waste of time and his regular references to religion were totally unwelcome. As far as Islamic system is concerned, I don’t understand how we can comment on it based on a Capitalist perspective.
@ Mahmood, I agree. The article is not satirical by any stretch of imagination. How disappointing.
Reading the header I thought this would be about social entrepreneurship, like Acumen Fund or Ashoka Changemaker. ,
Better get out of there, where ever u are now
Indeed, hope for the hopeless lies in ENTREPRENEURSHIP.
My books on the subject are being used in the business
schools and universities as essential texts.
Personally, I am sold on this subject.