Photo montage by Eefa Khalid/Dawn.com

Pakistan tourism offers a new package which has been tried, tested and proven successful. Although highly risky, Pakistan guarantees you will come out safe and sound at the end of your adventure package and will make it back home unharmed.

Raymond Davis was the first ‘tourist’ to come into the limelight at the final stage of his adventure plan. Of course we believe there are many more such ‘tourists’ but due to the high risk involved in this adventure, identities and whereabouts are often not revealed.

Although the tourism agency has not disclosed what the entire package includes, from the media, we have gathered that you can reside in Pakistan under a murky status. You can carry weapons of your choice and shoot at will (however, that comes on a more advanced stage). You may also take numerous trips to Pakistan’s tribal agencies and recruit people to further destablise an already dwindling state. To know more about the US drone strike experience, you will be given access to information regarding targets and militant hideouts. Eventually you will be able to drive into the market of your choice in the city you are residing in, and there you will be able to shoot two people in broad daylight (they may or may not be armed themselves). Once that is done, you will be arrested to get a feel of Pakistani police and their investigation style as they struggle to pronounce your foreign name. But don’t despair, especially if you are an American – this is not the end of the road for you. Soon you will be breezing in and out of jails and courts and then when you’ve had enough, you will be released – just like that.

Regarding the deaths, ‘blood money’ may need to be paid – but who will pay that, you wonder. Don’t worry; the Pakistani authorities have that under control. After all, what harm in putting a price to someone’s life. We are an over-populated nation and somewhere along the way, it became okay for our precious lives to be lost day after day.

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Ironic isn’t it? The very Shariah law that has made US lawmakers jittery and angry ended up being Davis’ ticket out of here. Under Shariah law, relatives of the victims are able to pardon those accused of the crime in exchange for compensation. And that is what we are told took place here. When Prime Minister Gilani had announced that he will be asking the Ullema to help with the decision, did we know this was coming? Perhaps. And what a fantastic masterstroke it was – how will our religious parties argue this one? But then again we can’t underestimate their zeal either. But why did this transaction take place now? And why under such cloudy circumstances?

But then again when have we ever conducted anything in a ‘fair and transparent’ manner? The US says it did not pay, Pakistan isn’t saying who paid. The families were apparently paid but then why have they disappeared? The US insisted over and over again that Davis had diplomatic immunity – then why all the thank yous for ‘Pakistan’s generosity’ last night? If he was a diplomat, if he indeed did have immunity, blood money and generosity was not even needed.

Will the US ever contradict themselves over Davis’ immunity? Unlikely. For those of you who watched US Department of State Deputy Spokesman Mark Toner’s conference last night, you will see the sheer panic on America’s face. It was the ‘uh-oh’ expression over and over again as journalists grilled Toner over the immunity issue and the blood money rescue plan. The spokesman fumbled and mumbled. He cleared his throat a few times and politely stated that a) he is no legal expert and can not comment and b) they are thankful to Pakistan for its commitment to its relationship with the US.

Yeah that doesn’t tell us much other than the fact that the Pakistani authorities and the US will keep taking us for a ride over and over the next few weeks, we will be fed various lies, contradictions, pacifications and denials until the episode blows over. But the good part is, the strategic dialogue will be back on schedule and the aid money will keep rolling in.

As a new set of questions regarding immunity, Pakistan-US relationship, ISI-CIA partnership and Shariah law set into the minds of Pakistanis, we let go of the previously held questions which revolved around CIA operatives in Pakistan, what they did here and how they managed to get away with it. Because fact of the matter is, Pakistan is a playground. You can take anything and anyone for a ride – all we ask for in return is money. Lots and lots of money.

Shyema Sajjad is the Deputy Editor at Dawn.com