Due to a lack of anything mildly related to cricket in our near future (our tour in England was considered a 'Home Series'), it appears that we now have an ample amount of free time on our hands.In order to recover from the obviously emotional and yes, physical turmoil of the scandal, I feel that is imperative that we decisively re-allocate our inherent obsessive sporting fanaticism to a new sport to obsess over. With rising unemployment and rampant power outages, it's not like we have much to occupy our time. The question is what?

Kabaddi: Men grabbing other men in a mud pit.

Verdict: We'll pass – something about watching a sport that focuses on fat semi-nude men lacks appeal. Women on the other hand…

Wrestling: Muscular men scampering around in their fashion forward tighty whiteys, somersaulting from awkward angles and pretending to get hurt. We could excel in the bravado and blustering aspect of the sport ... oops, it's not allowed to be called that anymore

Verdict: We'll pass. Apparently a chamaat doesn't qualify as a finishing move and evidently, Pakistani athletes make awful liars. That and the Indian-born great Khali is a rather scary chap.

Racing: We are a nation that loves to race our cars, motorbikes, rickshaws and donkey carts. On the face of it, the sport speaks to our souls with its shady rules, loose morals and hypocrisy.

Verdict: We’ll pass, we can't afford the insurance or the technical infrastructure required, besides petrol is expensive!

Polo: Involves riding a horse, and hitting a ball with a large stick. It appears to be a worthy successor to cricket, particularly with the advantage of a horse doing all the work while we merely chill on a saddle and swat our sticks around.

Verdict: We'll pass, we're not Mongols and roaming around on horseback really isn't our thing.

Golf: Haha, just kidding.

Dance dance revolution: Our wedding culture oriented showcases have already developed an envious array of already trained talent to excel in this vicious, competitive sport.

Verdict: We'll pass, we don't need another Punjabi dominated team. Besides, we don't put our women on display.

Hockey: Former World Champions, now we humiliate ourselves when ever we play.

Verdict: Don't be silly, we suck at hockey, the only hockey sticks Pakistanis generally own are used for self-defense.

Squash: A sport steeped in the legacy of both Jansher and Jehangir Khan. Ever since then we've let it fizzle out....because we don't actually care.

Verdict: We'll Pass, we barely liked it even when we dominated it.

Football: Such a beautiful game, one where everyone already makes so much money that match fixing is out of the question and the idea of performance adjusting borders is wishful thinking. We can, however, alter the performance of the football world by restricting our exports of top quality footballs to the world.

Verdict: We'll ... be perfect at it! Now all we have to do is find folks who play the game as ardently as we watch it. In order to speed up the process let's throw some money at some Brazilian urchins.

Tennis: A sport plagued by very different scandals which involve players not shaking hands, cursing at referees and mistakingly smashing the balls into the ball boys; it obviously has massive entertainment value. How fantastic would Wimbledon Centre Court look filled with several thousand rabid Pakistani fans chearing for 'our boys' all the while sipping on lassi.

Verdict: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Welcome to a world inspired by Aisamul Haq. Not only has the lad played exceptionally well, he has also teamed up with a rather dashing Czech partner. Kveta Peschke will satiate our demand for gori bahus as well as enhance our trade ties with the Czech Republic. Win, win situation. Particularly so if she's good enough to snare us a few titles, with Aisam of course. Now if that doesn't work out, maybe Shoaib Malik will let him play with Sania...

We are all looking for the perfect Pakistani sport, a sport whose representatives will make us proud of our sporting culture.  But now, we finally have an athlete we can proudly claim as our ambassador. Thanks, Aisam.

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.